HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
