I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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