Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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