my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
