I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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