ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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