So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
