Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
