he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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