Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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