I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
