he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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