How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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