last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
