"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
