Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
