im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
