so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
