I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
