I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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