Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
