take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
