new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
