K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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