I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
