All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
