nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
