Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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