One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
