: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
