I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
