seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
