why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
