Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
