Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
