the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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