I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
