I showed him my bush... on skype.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
