I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
