so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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