For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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