I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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