On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
