Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
