It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
