CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
