Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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