people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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