bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
