so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
