Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
