this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
