She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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