Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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