Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
