i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
