people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
