She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
